Or is it one of the many other kinds of dementia that slowly rob our loved ones of their identities? It matters not which dementia they have. The effect is pretty much the same.
So I finally “got it.” Maybe you have too. But, if not, consider this: Chances are your loved one would be embarrassed to death if his earlier, healthy, self could see him now.
It’s up to us as caregivers to recognize that Mom or Dad (or spouse) are not being difficult on purpose, and to forgive them—daily if necessary. They just can’t help themselves.
DEMENTIA CAREGIVERS OFTEN FEEL ISOLATED
They need lots of caregiver support. For a very long time, I felt TOTALLY ISOLATED—like I was the only one in the whole world carrying the burden of caring for an aging parent. I bet you sometimes do too.
Be good to yourself. Seek dementia support services wherever and whenever you can.
That’s what I did and gradually I realized that I WAS NOT ALONE! Thousands of people were experiencing exactly what I was—dealing with memory loss and unpleasant behavior in a loved one, every moment of every day.
KNOWING THIS MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE
Bob Tell
Author, "Dementia Diary, A Caregiver's Journal"
http://www.dementia-diary.com
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
COULD IT BE THE DEMENTIA?
I couldn’t tell. I was too close to it. I got mad every time she lashed out at me…or else I felt embarrassed whenever her target was someone else (usually in public places)—or when she over-ate without remembering that she had just eaten—or when she asked the same question over and over and over—or she was physically aggressive—or (you can fill in the blanks with other things that make you crazy).
Every time Mom did something socially unacceptable (I won’t catalogue these things—you know what they are), my anger raged. Afterwards, of course, I felt guilty for getting angry. Well, I didn’t have to feel this way…and neither do you.
Here’s what the social worker told me:
“DEMENTIA IS A DISEASE PROCESS”
“Cool it buddy!” she said. “It’s not about you. It’s about her. It’s a disease process—an illness.” So recognize the wisdom of the social worker’s advice.
Learn to ignore the bizarre behaviors of your loved one and to accept them as “normal” symptoms of dementia disease (and to not take them personally even when they seem to be personal). You’ll be a much happier person and a much better caregiver.
Remember: Your Mom can’t control her dementia symptoms any more than if it were pneumonia, or heart disease, or cancer. Things are happening in her brain that make her do the things that upset you.
IS IT ALZHEIMER'S?
(The Answer Next Time)
Bob Tell,
Author "Dementia Diary, A Caregivers Journal"
http://www.dementia-diary.com
Every time Mom did something socially unacceptable (I won’t catalogue these things—you know what they are), my anger raged. Afterwards, of course, I felt guilty for getting angry. Well, I didn’t have to feel this way…and neither do you.
Here’s what the social worker told me:
“DEMENTIA IS A DISEASE PROCESS”
“Cool it buddy!” she said. “It’s not about you. It’s about her. It’s a disease process—an illness.” So recognize the wisdom of the social worker’s advice.
Learn to ignore the bizarre behaviors of your loved one and to accept them as “normal” symptoms of dementia disease (and to not take them personally even when they seem to be personal). You’ll be a much happier person and a much better caregiver.
Remember: Your Mom can’t control her dementia symptoms any more than if it were pneumonia, or heart disease, or cancer. Things are happening in her brain that make her do the things that upset you.
IS IT ALZHEIMER'S?
(The Answer Next Time)
Bob Tell,
Author "Dementia Diary, A Caregivers Journal"
http://www.dementia-diary.com
Monday, July 28, 2008
IS THIS THE ROAD TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT?
It’s the middle of the night and you want to scream:
You’re angry!
You’re embarrassed!
Your Mom…Dad…Life Partner is acting strangely…
You ask yourself: Who is this person? …and…
What is going on here?
You are experiencing caregiver burnout. I know how you feel. Just like you, I’ve “been there and done that.” And I can now say: IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU and IT’S NOT ABOUT ME!!!
It took me forever to understand this. The woman who birthed me, raised me, nurtured me, and loved me…MY MOTHER…had become a new person—and not a very lovable one at that. Sound familiar?
At around age 77, she changed. Gradually, but noticeably. After a lifetime of kindness and consideration. She changed and, suddenly, I needed eldercare guidance...desperately!
Could this be my mother—this woman who went out of her way to insult and demean others…including me…and who rejected all of my efforts to help her? Or......
COULD IT BE THE DEMENTIA?
(The Answer Next Time)
Bob Tell
Author, "Dementia Diary, A Caregiver's Journal"
http://www.dementia-diary.com
You’re angry!
You’re embarrassed!
Your Mom…Dad…Life Partner is acting strangely…
You ask yourself: Who is this person? …and…
What is going on here?
You are experiencing caregiver burnout. I know how you feel. Just like you, I’ve “been there and done that.” And I can now say: IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU and IT’S NOT ABOUT ME!!!
It took me forever to understand this. The woman who birthed me, raised me, nurtured me, and loved me…MY MOTHER…had become a new person—and not a very lovable one at that. Sound familiar?
At around age 77, she changed. Gradually, but noticeably. After a lifetime of kindness and consideration. She changed and, suddenly, I needed eldercare guidance...desperately!
Could this be my mother—this woman who went out of her way to insult and demean others…including me…and who rejected all of my efforts to help her? Or......
COULD IT BE THE DEMENTIA?
(The Answer Next Time)
Bob Tell
Author, "Dementia Diary, A Caregiver's Journal"
http://www.dementia-diary.com
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